Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
