break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
