i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
