he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
