The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
