just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
