Me. At least after what I've been through.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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