So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
