Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
