I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
