So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
