remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
