it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My ass is underappreciated
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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