My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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