Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
why is half of my head shaved?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
