Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
