she woke up with a sticky ear
i just google imaged poop.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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