So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
