I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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