The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just found puke in my bra..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
