worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
