If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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