I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think your dad took our porno
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
