Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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