Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
