we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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