yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
