I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
