Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
