Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think I won the penis lottery.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have aggressive nipples.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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