I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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