trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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