Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
