i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
