I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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