Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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