Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
