How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
