The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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