How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
