I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
