explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
