He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
