I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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