you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
