he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
