I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
