You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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