Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
