carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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