She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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