I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
