smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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