Its about making memories worth repressing
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
