my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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