don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
