Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
